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What is the Modern Day Lover?


Growing up I had a very fractured and mostly inconsistent relationship to the notion of LOVE, and in particular that part of us which craves connection. 


I grew up with my mother and sisters in a small suburb just outside of North London, and while I did not live with my father he lived in the same town. 


My mother was, and indeed is, a wonderful, caring person who embodies the Lover energy effortlessly as a daughter, sister and mother; always seeking connection first. 


My father was, and indeed is, a complete man's man. Big, strong, independent and can handle himself. I had these two very different people to look up to and, as is the case with most children, I was figuring it out as I was going along, trying to find myself along the way while at the same time experiencing the oh-so human development and evolution of the ego. 


This left me confused quite a lot, and for the most part feeling quite inauthentic.


The challenge I faced was that I felt as a young man I should be stepping into my father's shoes, the stoic man's man.  


This feeling of inauthenticity had 2 sides; 
1- I acted in ways which were not authentic to me. 
2- I stopped myself from acting in ways which felt more authentic to me. 


I jumped two footed into my perception of what a man’s man should be and neglected the side of me which wanted connection, softness, Lover energy. 


I tried to be the big tough guy.


I tried to project an image of the archetypal alpha male. 


I buried the desire for connection deep down, where nobody could see it and thus question the integrity of the tough guy image. 


At that time, I thought all of these feelings associated with my Lover energy were signs of weakness, “why do I need a hug right now? MAN UP!”, would be the flavour of what I would tell myself. 


So, I kept it buried and didn’t let the alpha male mask slip. 


We live in a world of cause and effect, meaning that occurrences, happenings and unfoldings are always the result of something else which occurred, happened or unfolded previously, like dominoes if you will. 
What does this mean?
Well, my decision making through those years as a young adult was always infused with this embracing of the alpha male archetype and rejecting of the Lover energy within; an inauthentic combination for me. 


The law of cause and effect shows us that each decision we make is another step on our journey of life, and if you’re making decisions inauthentic for you then you will at some point arrive at a place which can be nothing other than inauthentic for you! 


So, I found myself living a false life. In an attempt to conform to the way I perceived society wanted me to be, I'd spent many years taking steps in the wrong direction and found myself utterly unhappy. 


Nothing I had to do in my life made me truly happy, not because it had no value, but because I simply could not truly connect to it, thus there was no true purpose in my life.

In addition I was always expecting that something bad was around the corner. 




Because I’d built a life I did not want and was totally out of alignment. I had got to a stage where the entirety of the reality around me was constructed with false assumptions and limiting beliefs.


Having to live in this self-constructed, inauthentic world was a constant struggle. 


Any why all of this?


Simple...I perceived the Lover energy to be weak, needy and somewhat useless. So, I rejected it. I pushed it into the corner of my psyche and tried to pretend like it didn’t exist. 


The day I finally dropped this perception of Lover energy being weak everything changed (for those who understand LoC, I experienced a 200-point jump instantaneously) and in a heartbeat my life made sense. All of those feelings of yearning for connection and all of those desires to fall into the deliciousness of life were welcomed in, and it was joyous, like a reunion with deer old friends. 


I came to realise that there is no weakness in Lover energy, just a different type of strength.  The lover may not beat their chest and protect the village, but they will be there whenever someone is in need.


They will be the one to create a nurturing space for those around to heal spiritually, mentally and emotionally. The lover is the bringer of colour and vibrancy in life and ties together all of humanity in our one commonality; deep down we all want love. 


To me the Modern-Day Lover is the warrior of emotions if you will, carrying a sword of empathy and shield of compassion, whose main wish is for everyone to synergise and melt into the wonderment of life. 


So, for you what is the Modern-Day Lover?